"If I were to write an up-to-date, truly useful Russian-English phrase book, right after the most basic sentence all foreigners should know - "My papers are in order" ("Мои документы в порядке") - the next phrase would be "I need a plumber right away!" ("Мне нужно срочно вызвать сантехника!") In my apartment, water is always flowing where it shouldn't and not flowing where it should.

Should this happen to you (and it will, believe me) call your local ремонтно-эксплуатационное управление, or РЭУ, (housing maintenance and repair administration) right away. They are commonly referred to as коммунальщики (the utilities folks).

The dispatcher will ignore your first 10 calls, so call early and call often. If you are lucky, he will say: "Я принял вашу заявку, и слесарь придет сегодня после обеда" ("I've taken your order and the plumber will be there after lunch today"). Слесарь is an all-purpose word that means anything from plumber to locksmith to repairman. Сантехник is a more specialized professional, trained to deal with broken pipes and leaky toilets. All are hired based on their capacity to consume enormous amounts of alcohol and still tell a wrench from a hacksaw. После обеда means any time between 2 p.m. and the end of the following week. Prepare to wait."

Tags: berdy, translation

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